How do you know if you are married to a farmer?

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11. Where many people have “mudrooms” in name only…your’s is actually full of mud…(or worse…)

10. Having your spouse return home completely covered in blood causes you absolutely no concern (and often not even any interest unless they are dripping on the carpet.)

9. You don’t understand why other people might feel awkward when words like “penis”, “vagina”, “semen”, “scrotum”, or “lube” are used in casual conversation.

8. You know how to differentiate between your spouse’s work boots, casual boots, athletic boots, dress boots, and their “just kickin’ around” boots.

7. You can differentiate between your spouses “new” and “old” jeans by the number of patches.

6. Your pets tend to be animals like pigs, or turkeys…and you know that by “pets” you actually mean “Animals that are cute when they are young…and then tasty when they are older.”

5. When organizing the fridge you often have to move the colostrum, the antibiotics, and the beer in order to make room for the milk.

4. In case of emergency you always know where to find the flashlight, shotgun, duct tape, and blood stop powder (and have been called on to retrieve any one of these items in the middle of the night.)

3. You can’t help but laugh when you hear people complain about their spouses “long work hours.”

2. To you “A.I.” does not mean “Artificial Intelligence” and has nothing to do with electronics. 

1. You are probably going to be canonized…or should be.

*If any of these points describe you…I am sorry…you might be married to a farmer.

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